MEHHH SAMMY'S DICHARGE FROM THE HOSPTAL ALREADY !

5 WHOLE DAYS :(

anyway i am much better don't worry but i got tons of medication to swallow :( if you see my pil box is like drugs i swer . medication really making my mood up and down making mw so cranky for all of the small reasons so people try to understand okay . not theat i wanna flare but it became a natural thing after taking my med. im so happy being at home again heehee. 

in some way or anothr i'm also not happy about certain things i don't wish to mention it here but i hope things will get better . i miss you k i really do and i don't wanna lose you . to those who know i'm refering to good for you but i think some others will be confuse oh well for me to know for you to find out :) 

i guess tmr i will be heading out with this two . haven't seen them in a long time and for whatever reasons some eople have their way of finding it back to me :/ hmms . both botak boys already ! WHERE GOT TIME FOR NS. okay i am so mean. darling say he wanna sue me for putting his handsome face for my dp pic n fb. OKAY CAN ! such a sweetie but kinda annoying when he thiks he is all cute and handsome :)

oh well i love the people who love me so hate e and i will hate you back DOUBLE.

SHAKE CLUB WIL BE HAVING AN UNDERAGE EVENT BY SMOOVE THI SUNDAY .

whoever who wanna get TICKETS please pm me or get it from my FAVOURITE FAG VIVIEN FOOKYOURBRAINS !

$25 per ticket k ! stop bargaining for cheaper prices. no money DONT CLUB SIMPLE .

unless you are famous and the people around know you you wanna get in free by all your own means. :)

toodles. 

xoxo  

today is wednesday. it's gonna be the day i'm gonna say goodbye. don't ask me why i am leaving. all i know is theat when i leave you will be much happy . don't need to bother about this small little girl in your eyes.

really hope to see for the last time at mink . don't disappoint me like last week :/

this fe days have been a tough week . i really hope things will get better . it might take a long while but yeah everyday is a brand new day which is a new start yeah ?

two people i'm worrying for is cloud and gabriel. i really don't know what t do. and i FUCKING HATE IT when i have to quarrel with either one of them . it really hurts me alot to see them in this state. trying to be there for each of them yet at times i get pushed away .

teddy gonna report tmr at 9am and has a chance of going back into DRC for the remaining weeks. as much as i don't want to see him going inside again there is absolutely nothing i can do. feel so damn bloody useless.

when the clock strike's 12am tmr it will be mika's 18th birthday 

NO ONE IS GOING HOME SOBER !

gonna see wehan and shuwei they all again so long never see them ! haha and lil me gonna wear dress AGAIN hahaha . 

okay gonna staop here 

SEE YOU PEOPLE AT MINK !!!!!  

somehow kinda happy that korkor put out the word that he want us all to be okay again. but at  the same time  it wasn't me that cut the link. but i guess things will be better then before again. 

i can feel dage care for me more then before. cause when he went go smoke with cloud he said something like he don't want see me like that also later hard to tell korkor so cute haha. but heartbreak how to stop one. ahkor also though never really meet he always say " mei anything must call" that day colin also give me his new number. life is kinda getting back on track again ^^

but still i really hope to get nitez back as a friend. i know it's gonna be hard but yeah. 

KORKOR COMING OUT SOON !

CAN'T WAIT JUST AFEW MORE MONTHS!

and cloud damn funny also say korkor come out i will forget him and the rest. so silly right. yeah korkor maybe always first priority  but as my friends i wil always have time for them too. neither will i change even if korkor come out . i know i will get scolding though cause of what i did but yeah i deseved it la.

okay i don't wanna blog already ^^

i miss korkor

and angsty boy!

xoxo 

keep seeing this video somehow anyone know why? yeah cause angsty boy is inside and he keep saying in this video he KAN HANDSOME ! 

but yeah he damn cute la . haha and readers do go down to shake to club/chill/drink but dont dapao him home :< HAHAHAS KIDDING !

the day before ytd went down to shake with noisy girl to pass ramly burger to that boy. even though just seeing him for that few seconds and that one short hug i was contented. how silly can a girl like me be right?headed back to central meet cloudy and somehow dk why mokkie and jk all were there . hahas. cloud stayed over "stole" my bed and i couldnt sleep for i don't know whatsoever reasons but yeah i guess i had too much things on my mind also thats why i couldn't sleep .

waited for mumy to leave house and brandon and adele came over . watched the orphan at home and lepak. brandon left due to probation cloud went home so did adele. went interview with glenda and went to nex to meet cloud again. he was SO LONG i swear that it kinda pissed me off. and yeah i kinda threw temper at him. had his dinner and after that we headed down to shake agan to meet ian . cloud's friend came too. drank like only 3 glasses and i got seh wtf. probably due to lack of sleep also and my mood swing. cloud, hs friend and i left and went to scape crown pool. daddy jayson was working there and surprisingly dage was also there .in my seh state i know what i was doing but i think i said alot of my deep thoughts out and i started to cry . such a pussy i am. keep texting ian not to dapao . even though from the start i keep saying igaf but yeah deep down i don't want him to .but i also want him to be happy.asked him to come down crown and he really did. i was kinda surprised but deep down i was really happy yet still confused .

hugged him for quite long . just wanted time to stop whenever i was with him . 

the last text i was happy when he said "i nv dapao ok? i still go find you :)"

but at the same time when i think back about the girl he like coming back in another 7 more days i felt damn upset. the selfish self just comes out .but i still keep saying to myself what is not mind i cannot take as much as i want to.

after ian left ahkor and louis came down . we headed to neverland. eeyer i don't like that place . nana also much better somehow .headed home after everything and cloud crashed over again. this time i bth i went to pull the bottom bed and sleep lol. slept straight away. kan tired already . :<

brnadon and adele came again and i cooked mushroom soup with speggitti my all tme fav :)

okay gonna stop here it's too long already . next post coming up !

xoxo

ANOTHER LADIES NIGHT AT MINK !

this was how i look last night !

 keith(nephew) me and andric didi !

 me and andric didi 

 vivien me and andric !

 MOKKIE !

CLOUDY WITH SPECS AND WITHOUT SPECS.( LOVE THIS BRO PLENTY)

 Nephew keith !

didi raphael !

keith me and raphael !

today was a dmn shagg day for almost quite afew of us. some went to stalk people while as for me was so excited to see him if he went to mink but end up as a disappointment. but i dont blame him as he was feeling unwell. its so contradicting that at times i really don't know what to do. i actually cried at mink lucky i managed to hold back my tears until cloud came and i just simply hugged him and cried :(

i don't know what you are lost about really . sometimes you really surprise me with your words. therefore most times i do not know what to really feel. but as what i said i love you as long as you are happy i will ne happy for you and i really dont like to see you upset or anything eles. you really got to look after yourself this is as much as i can do and care for you . 

got kind of pissed with cloud at the start including gen but after that everythig was alright. seeig cloud so drunk and dead really made me kinda upset too but i know he is really hurting inside. as for me yeah cloud and mei says i am damn strong but the fact is i'm numb about most things thats why i look like im fine on the outside. well one day they will know and learn .cloud wanted to crash at my place cause got bed instead of vien . but mummy is gonna be awake son so he is better off at vien's place since her mummy is his gan ma. but still kinda worried about him hope he is alright .

okay gona stop here cause i wanna kun already so freakng tired and dead .. bitch please haha. good night people ! 

xoxo

from preventing to loving and now fallen 

never thought i would ever feel this way again . yet feeling so fucking stupid . never expected you to say all those things today either. never expected myself to hole my tears back and hold back everything that was hurting inside. was suppose to cheer up cloud and gen in the end i got hurt myself. but i didnt show it and yet still pretended to be so strong and joke around. you know that fucked up feeling? 

what do you take me as? " now is the time to spend time with me before my gf come back after that no more chance liao"

what do you fucking take me for. yes you know you knew all the feelings i had for you. you could put it in a way and just tell me you had a gf yet you say such things like this is the time for me to spend time with you. do i look like some bitch/slut that because i like you therefore i have to take opportunity to spend time with you before your girl comes back?yeah i know you went down to help me . yes you said if i didnt mean anything to you you won't even bother. you ask me use my brain? yes i did. it's not that i didnt think about it not like i didnt think what were we. yeah we are friends but im the one having the feelings for you  obviously you don't know how i feels to be me .i knew from the start we will never be together but i still continued to have feelings for you . i have never ever blamed you cause it was me . but true like you said matters of the heart cannot be controlled . im really trying to hold all this and accepting the fact that you belong to someone eles . im just sorry that i love you . i hope if i go mink tmr you will be there . if not it's okay. after all you aint replying me now.

was at central ac today with cloud, gen ,billy, adam,colin, kang and keith plus jin guan .

i thought colin still angry with me but end up he okay already . thanks cloud for being there and knowing how i felt and even tried to cheer me i feel hopeless cause he was the one being upset end up he had to ask if i was alright and stuff. billy was a joke somehow it made me laugh for a little while.

meimei said she knew how i felt but admired me for being so strong but like what i told her every strong person will still break . after everyone left i slowly walked home and teas just rolled down . i really don't know what to feel anymore like suddenly things became so blank. but i guess no one has to worry about it i'll be okay eventually i think .i hope for a miracle if there is ever one. 

but till ths day till now there's one thing i'm always gonna say 

i love you I.A but as long as you are happy i am .

i maybe upset and all but dont worry about me. i just want to see you happy :)

xoxo

ANOTHER AWESOME NIGHT AT MINK !

 KEITH'S first ladies night ! but he is still underage but i know he had fun last night ! 

 XHYRIUS ^^ 

 ANDRE, XHYRIUS. ME!

 GLENDA !

ANDRE !

had  blast at mink last night . and FUCKING PAISEH ! thanks to noidy girl adele ! just by a simple compliment that some guy cute then ALL DISTURB ME ! TOO MUCH !
after awhile even worst kana sore eyes :( my right eye rabbak !!!!
but still mink reminds me of SOMEONE ONLY :( ytd dage and billy were at mink too surprisingly . but i guess after that they went to ph.
headed to crown music box after mink. everyone was already so dead but still went. after that cabbed back to serangoon had breakfast with glenda before she went home. and i think i texted some rubbish to people . but oh well it was still a great night ^^

currently at home to lazy to go anywhere but i guess will be going down to buy diner . me hungry and needs FOOD !

oh yeah
HAPPY BIRTHDAY LIL BROTHER BRANDON !
16 already please know what is right or wrong ! see you tmr or something .

pasa malam open already and de you know what that means ? YES YES ! RUMLY BURGER !
dage no longer working at shake so it will be like if i go down it will still be cause of one person .hmms.
i wonder if he thinks that i am damn stupid and all for liking him but yeah idgaf !
okay nothing much to blog again as usual cause there is nothing in my brain right now .

ooh ya saw the clip about some bastard pushing the old lady down. if i ever saw the guy i'll fucking push him down the bloody bus . maybe if double decker bus i let you roll down the stairs too. BITCH PLEASE !

xoxo

YAY MY HAIR GROWING LONGER ME GUSTA ^^

i don't know why but i like this pic heh heh . went to old airport road today to have dinner with adele, brandon and gen. after that headed home so nothing much to blog about today i just feel like uploading pics.

anyway didnt text or tweet that boy today i hop he is alright . forever on and off . i don't know what is what either but oh wells i don't wanna care so much also . caught up with joanes text for quite awhile just now. sadly my darling going NS this friday ! awww haha. 

this girl above i have known her 8 FUCKING YEARS already .

my first room mate when i went in hostel . alot of things happen along the way but we are still close i can say .always my meimei even though she can be annoying as hell but i still love her :)

gonna play my sims for a little while before heading to bed . goodnight people and sweet dreams ^^

xoxo

Certain things n life will never change no matter how much we regretted.

had some talks with keith and vivien at macs just now. and after that while i walking home i was really thinking damn alot of SHIT. when vien asked me " if HE wanted you back would you get back together with him?"that answer i was stuck for a minute but my answer was still no cause i know the same thing will happen again somehow. no doubt he is still the one that i loved the most, the one whom i couldn't let go off and the one who TOTALLY ruin me and broke my heart into a million of pieces but the answer will still be a NO.till now the reason of being single due to the fact that the past haunts me. it may not seems like it but IT DOES!

looking through old pictures i really miss a close friend who i lost through some stupid shit. i know regardless of anything nothing will come back to how it was before. I WAS REALLY STUPID THEN. he was always there when i broke down, always there to wipe my tears and always there to make me smile. and even blogging about him now tears fills my eyes. the last time i broke down after ph he came down to comfort me. and i had to mess everything up in my own hands . good job sam. no regrets is gonna get this friend back and you know it. but i'm glad i had you as a close friend before . if only a miracle happens we could be friends again i swear to god i won't take this friendship for granted . i miss you really alot .

and this person is NITEZ FROZENHEART :')

enough with the tears and all . i don't know if what i am doing is right or wrong . but i know one thing im lazing as a bum i need to get a damn job if i dont wanna study anymore .relationship wise im stuck and i dont know if what i do is worth it . but so far i have no regrets. it' hard liking someone who doesnt like you back . it's so fustrating but it's feelings how to control if you got feeling's for someone?. alright lah enough blogging. each time i blog i feel like a grandma so naggy and posting all my life shit like i'm gonna die and i got to remember all this rubbish . its already 5am and i'm not asleep . shall be heading to bed in awhile .

goodnight peeps!!

xoxo

this entry is actually for the whole of ytd . slept at 9am and woke up at bloody 2 plus cause meet shirley and yutat to go novena to meet nico and her cute baobao. carried baby for some time . until  got tired .

headed down to vivo to meet coach tata yong had a AWESOME dinner that caused 300 plus for 6 people . all meat i swear it's damn bloody good at CARNIVORE . see until damn full can roll like a ball .

slacked at vivo for awhile before heading down to shake to see a certain someone i was kinda happy for some reasons but yeah we talked less then 5 mins . i understand that he had to work so i didnt complain either . took a cab home when kenny called and say they were going down to shake ask me to U-turn. so i waited at shake for them to come down again . could tell many people were down but i didn't wanna ask so much cause i didn't want to be a busy body anyway. 

AND I WAS WEARING BLOODY SLIPPERS CAUSE I DIDNT INTEND TO CLUB

and they tell me they going filter then mink . good game . but kenny called his jiejie to bring extra shoes so i could go with them . so grateful for it but it was the worst timing to go club cause i dressed like shit and i went with my naked face. actually i don't care about making up either . 

some boys are ridicules also . you love the pretty girls with all their thick make up end of the day some or i can say most of them are not as pretty as you see them with make up.

MAKE UP DOES WONDERS. AND GUYS ARE FUCKING STUPID.

went to filter and headed to mink. kenny left due to some stuff and the rest of us went to mink. met up wth adam tan and THANK GOD he was there cause  didnt want to drink and  my friends were making me drink but adam being a good bro help me drink most of it ! heehee.

left around 4 plus 5 BG sent us home so here i am blogging every single shit that is in my head. today two posts i guess  bogged enough too . so goodnight people !

xoxo

till now i am confirm of myself that i have feelings for a certain someone cause everything that happens be it good or bad affects me . but at times i live in self denial and somehow makes me wanna punch myself real hard in the face. 

why do i always have the feeling this thing that im feeling is gonna be like what happen between me and jet and me and nitez. knowing that we are friends , knowing that i want us to be more than friends yet knowing that this is all we are gonna be.

went to mink today that place that day just hold too many memories for me even though it was just a day . even though i was already half gone but i knew what exactly happened. yeah i tell everyone i dont give a fuck about you at times and i dont want to care but deep down im feeling like shit having all this things in my mind and in my heart . 

at the very beginning i just wanted you as a friend but as time went by my feeling become more and more and from the " the don't wanna fall for you " became to the "i have already fallen " and now "afraid to fall cause i dont think i will be able to pick myself up again"

can't afford all this heartaches but it always just keeps coming to me .my fate or is it my karma?

maybe the gods are really making a fool out of me. 

i know i will never be that girl you ever wanted even if i could try my best for eeverything you will never even choose me to start with . even if i was you i wouldn't choose me either.

all i can do now is see how things will go one at a time. 

but i really don't wanna loose you ever . okay enough saying about you .

i need to give my heart a break for a little while :(

xoxo