3 MONTHS OF NOT BLOGGING AND NOW I AM BACK !

just felt that recently i have alot of things in mind so yeah blogging it out might make me actually feel better i hope.if you are reading this not happy with whatever i write that's your damn problem cause this is my blog :)

life hasn't been exactly good for me. kidney failure, pending court case and still not knowing the sentence is really stressing me out each time it's being postpone, baby's release is nearing and yet still don't know where they are gonna place him and i dont want him to end up at half way house. i don't want to be apart from him anymore.all this waiting really has made me tired mentally, my heart is still there, fighting to be alive till this day is because of him, people might say i am stupid cause he cheated on me and everything and it wasn't the first time but this time i believe he will change for the better i have faith in him, i hope everything i do is worth wile. while fighting all these obstacles in my life i have learnt that not every friend is your friend. and the closest to you will always stab you say things about you behind your back like a cunning fox, looks are always deceiving but i believe people will get back what they deserve. no one deserves to be treated like shit. pride and ego is nothing to me now. used to be a stucked up bitch i guess that made me go nowhere. i have to be humble forgive those who have hurt me concentrate on my future. get married to the man i love start a family and take care of my own family even though it hurts to know after 20 years of my life i know that i am adopted but everything we still need to face life and the truth. many people might think and say " wow sam is so strong" but you know what i might appear strong and everything but just like any other ordinary person i'm hurting and struggling at times too .it ain't easy many times i really want to give up everything but i tel myself this as long as one person needs me i will fight to stay alive despite all the treatment that i have to go through. end of the day i believe....

EVERYONE DESERVES A SECOND CHANCE TO START ANEW , 

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ok now talking about my relationship. well i miss you alot i really do you got no idea how much i am struggling without you. how much i cry myself to sleep at night hoping you were beside me hugging me telling me everything will be alright and you will always be here. this month will be our 1 year anniversary yet you wouldnt be here with me still. this country is too small too little places to go and everywhere that i go will remind me of you. you know that feeling when all the memories just come back? even the painful ones. just hope all your words in your letter you really mean them. i am really waiting for a changed you .

wherever you are my heart always belongs to you, you will always be the boy i love. the boy that i want to spend my life with. please dont hurt me again and treasure this last chance when you are out .

EVEN IF THERE ARE A MILLION REASONS FOR ME TO LEAVE I WILL STILL FIND THAT ONE REASON TO STAY .

TOTOCAI FAMILY 

one thing in my 21 years of my life i never regret knowing them and having them. though we come from different families,different races,different background,different places we come together as a family. i'm never upset whenever they are with me and this is one thing i really thank my boyfriend for leaving me with them to count on when he is in. the bond that binds us all together is really awesome just like a real family always there for each other. we dont need to everyday meet but whenever anyone needs help we know we can count on each other, my awesome sibling are all so cute in each of their own way and really worth fighting and doting on. i love you all ...

ONCE A FAMILY ALWAYS A FAMILY

laopa,samantha,xiaolong,adrean,ace,ahbee,roger,belle,roysoon,wayne,ryan 

THAT IS ALL FOR NOW ! GOOD NIGHT EVERYONE !